Ice Jam

Spring is the most transient season. It is upon us before we fully realize it and it's often full of ugliness and damage. As the snow melts it exposes the garbage and debris that has been hidden for months. On Friday, the river was completely blocked up with an ice-jam. It looked like a glacier with huge chunks of ice piled up on themselves. The frozen river seemed deceptively still but under the surface the current was still moving, working away at the massive blocks of ice. A few hours later, the current did its thing and the ice jam broke, flowing up river.

I feel as though my heart is the frozen Red River. The last six months or so have been a time of change for me and I have finally allowed myself to thaw a bit. But my emotions have gotten caught up in a few ice jams over the months. I have questioned the value of allowing my emotions to thaw because it seems to lead to more hurt. I'm trying to look to nature to remind myself of why the struggle is worth it. I need to trust that below the surface the current is still moving and eventually, if I let it, the emotional ice jams will break up and my heart will be able to flow freely again. Right now, there is mud, ice and water everywhere. The ugliness is necessary before the true spring renewal can occur and in a few weeks I'll have forgotten this early phase of spring, distracted by the wonder of new growth.