Loves Me, Loves Me Not

Last week I watched two of my friends declare their love and commitment to each other. It was a beautiful sight because the genuine love they feel for each other was obvious. There are some weddings that make me wonder why the couple is even getting married. They seem so miserable together which makes me ask why does anyone get married? Is it really possible to stay in love with the same person forever? Is love even what marriage is really about? Watching Sean and Silvy reminded me that love, passion, friendship, commitment and compatibility are not only possible, they are what we should be striving for. It's not too much to want it all.

Is marriage easy? Of course not, that's not really the point. True love is not completely effortless - no relationship is - but with the right person we are willing and happy to put in the effort to maintain our connection. The wedding is our declaration that that I choose you to make the journey with, to grow and change with, despite the hardships that will come, despite the fear that I feel, you are worth the effort and the risk.

The human spirit has a large capacity for denial. We can go through life ignoring the doubts and warnings nagging at the back of our minds for a very long time but eventually something comes along that shines a light on those hidden doubts. Once the doubts are illuminated, it is difficult to continue ignoring them and things fall apart pretty quickly after that. Weddings are often a catalyst for this process; I've seen it many times over the years. There is a rash of break-ups after every wedding. Watching someone else declare their love and commitment to each other makes us pause and ask ourselves, do I have that?

My brother-in-law has told me many times over the years that no one should settle; hold out for the whole package, it is possible. But at what point do you admit that someone is not the right person for you? Giving up too quickly is not the answer but hanging on beyond that point isn't either. It's a tricky balance but if I'm asking myself the question often, chances are good that I already know the answer. The more important question to ask myself right now is, if I'm not willing to settle what am I going to do about it?

Sell Out

Sell out. There is no greater insult you could throw at an artist. Why? Most artists want to sell their works, whether they are paintings, books, albums or designs. So once that happens and their work is in demand, why do we so often accuse them of selling out? Isn’t that the point? Why do we assume that if something appeals to the masses it is lacking in quality or talent? Do we have such a low opinion of our fellow human beings that we cannot believe that they can appreciate quality? Or maybe we are jealous of their success; fear that we could not do the same.

Are there degrees of selling out? What about writing best-selling romance novels to pay the bills while you write “the great American novel”? Or acting in commercials until you get a more substantial role in a movie? Is that a form of selling out or just being practical? If you are going to have to work a job to pay the bills while you are trying to make your way in the field that you are passionate about, why not pay those bills by doing something related to your passion instead of just flipping burgers? At the very least, it will give you the opportunity to hone your craft. If a band mixes some cover tunes into there set does that make them a sell out? Or are they simply using the tools at their disposal to increase the awareness and exposure of their original songs?

You can have the best product but if no one knows it exists they’re not going to buy it. If you don’t write your message in a language people can understand and enjoy then they will never read it. I’m not suggesting that you compromise your art just to appeal to the general population. I’m saying that packaging the message in an entertaining and appealing way allows it to be heard by more people. In the words of Mary Poppins, “a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down”. That’s just good marketing.

So what constitutes selling out? In my opinion, giving in to the marketing and forgetting the original intent. If you stop creating the art that you want and need to create - the art that is close to your heart - because you are afraid to disrupt the money coming in from the popular creations, then that is selling out. However, if you truly enjoy writing romance novels, who cares if your books don’t end up in the “literature” section of the bookstore? We are all responsible for our own integrity and only the artist can really know if they are a sell out. So maybe we should just focus on making sure that we support quality art and talent when we find it and live our own lives with as much integrity as we can.