Lost

Six months ago I was a happy, confident woman who felt hopeful about the future, inspired and creative, sure of whom I was and the path I wanted to be on. Where did that person go? Sometime in those six months, I lost myself.

For the last few weeks I have been desperately searching for a glimpse of that missing girl. I’ve read books, I’ve done surveys. I even bought O Magazine because this month’s issue was “Who are you meant to be? A step-by-step guide to finding (and fulfilling) you life’s purpose.” Not surprisingly, Oprah didn’t have the answers either.

What did surprise me in all of my searching and survey-taking was how consistent my results were; the same themes kept repeating themselves. These are the things I know: I need to be creative in some form or another. I love knowledge of any kind and learning, just for the sake of learning. People are fascinating; how we are similar, how we are different, how we are all connected. I crave love and security. I feel joy when I sing. Baking soothes my soul. I need to write.

That seems like quite a bit, actually, so maybe I’m not really lost. Maybe I just got a bit disoriented and started moving in the wrong direction. So now I need to turn myself back in the right direction and take the next step. What's the next step?

I’ve signed up for a writing challenge to write a novel in November. The idea of writing 50,000 words in 30 days is more than a little daunting, especially since I still don’t know what I’m going to write about. But the concept of the challenge is to let go of the need for perfection. Once you give yourself permission to write crap, you’re more likely to write something worth reading. Either way, I think this will be a good way to get back on my path.