Ghosts

The past has an interesting way of coming back to haunt you when you least expect it. And yet...I have to wonder if the timing isn't more than just mere coincidence. Lately, a lot of so-called ancient history has been coming to the surface. Just because they were forgotten (well, almost forgotten) doesn't mean the wounds were healed. Scar tissue had formed around them to protect me from the pain but the wounds were still there.

Being in a new relationship has naturally brought up some of these old wounds. This week though, things got a lot spookier. It hasn't just been memories that have come to the surface; the actual ghost who inflicted many of these wounds has reappeared after a decade with an apology. I had convinced myself that I didn't need it but here it is anyway; the words I never expected to hear: I'm sorry.

The fact that it has come now when I am in the midst of an identity crisis brought on, in part by the resurfacing memories of this past pain, must be meaningful. Where does it leave me? I'm not sure but hopefully I'm one step closer to living my life for myself instead of trying to prove someone else wrong.

Is the Honeymoon Over?

When we would visit my grandma in the last few years of her life she used to tell the same stories, over and over again - sometimes within the same visit. She wasn't struggling with her memory, she just didn't have anything new to talk about. She rarely left the house anymore and her hearing and eyesight weren't good anymore so she didn't listen to the radio, watch TV or read anymore and her physical health prevented her from doing any of her old hobbies. Visitors had become a burden instead of a joy. She was frustrated at having little to contribute so she would recycle the same stories in a desperate attempt to entertain us. Her life had become stagnant.

Relationships run the same risk. True, most relationships start out with that honeymoon stage- where the two of you hole up together and nothing and no-one else is really as important or interesting as that new person. What a fun stage that is but it doesn't last forever. If you don't get past the "honeymoon" and venture out into the world together then you run the risk of letting things get stagnant.

Life can't exist in a vacuum; neither can relationships. How much can you really learn about a person if you don't see them in the real world? How they interact with other people? How they react to certain events? How do they see the world around them? A little outside stimuli can prompt some pretty interesting conversations.

The world has a habit of forcing its way in whether you want it to or not. You might as well invite it in - then you can do it on your own terms. Why miss out on a great opportunity to learn and grow together? Isn't that the point?