In junior high I was on the track team and I could run like nobody’s business; for 100 meters, at least. It was like opening a tap and letting the water come gushing out. Every fear, all of my anger could get thrown into that short burst of energy. In the end I felt exhausted and exhilarated all at the same time.
I used to beat myself up because I was a sprinter instead of a distance runner. I compared myself to my sister and criticized myself for my lack of stamina. I saw it as some kind of character flaw. Now I’m looking at things from a different perspective. The fact that my race was only 100 meters allowed me to put all of myself into it every time and find reserves I didn’t know I had by pushing myself to the breaking point. Then when it became too much to physically bear, it was over. I was free to rebuild my strength, work on my technique and prepare for the next race.
Since I started this writing challenge I've been comparing myself to my friends and beating myself up over the fact that I can't sustain my writing for long stretches at a time. I finally saw today that that is a mistake. We all have a process and, like our personalities, they’re all very different. The trick is discovering and accepting my process instead of comparing it to everyone else’s.
How can I find the best way to use my process to get the best results? I need to work with my natural rhythm instead of fighting it. I’m not a distance writer any more than I was a disctance runner and that's ok. Each sprint takes me closer to the gold. By writing in short bursts, I allow myself to dig deep, get to the emotions, keep the spirit of the scene real and believable because I’m living each scene as I’m writing it. To do that takes a huge amount of energy. Energy that needs to be rebuilt before I can move on to the next scene.
This month hasn't been easy and strangely this last week is turning out to be one of the hardest. In the homestretch of a sprint, I always managed to find some hidden strength to get me to the finish line. This month is no different. Discovering, and accepting, my writing process is that hidden stregth that I needed.
Ah, self acceptance of one`s strengths (opposed to self defeat of what one`s perceived weaknesses are). Some folks it takes a life time to accept themselves and what their strengths are, sometimes we focus too much on the weakness and we under-use our strengths, then it, our strengths thru under-use, eventually become weaker and weaker then they are not strengths any more. I wonder if your sister ever thought that she had a weakness as she was not a sprinter and fast like you are. You`ve inspired me to focus more on my strength, and come ever so closer to accepting my weakness as they are
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that my words inspired you. All I ever wanted for you was to recognize the strengths in yourself. You have so many.
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